


Is This Goodbye?

by Megatraven



Series: Beginnings and Goodbyes [5]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Reveal, Marinette is super guilty but Adrien doesn't blame her at all, nothing graphic or anything i promise, rated t just to be safe, unedited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-10 00:23:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7823044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megatraven/pseuds/Megatraven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ML Fandom Week | Day 7 | Free For All</p><p>When Adrien meets a non-magical end, Ladybug finds her lucky charm keeps bringing him back in the form of his heroic persona.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is This Goodbye?

She needed him.

In every timeline, in every universe, in every situation, Ladybug needed Chat Noir. They were on the opposite sides of the luck spectrum, but together was where they should be. They were meant to be that way, each and every time a Ladybug and Chat Noir came around. They would be heroes, antiheroes, villains... but always together.

She needed him.

The current Ladybug did. She needed her Chat Noir desperately.

There’d been an accident, just a few hours ago. Sudden. Quick. No warning. He’d pushed her- no, he’d pushed Marinette out of the way, and met a fate that should have been her own. She couldn’t remember what it was, exactly, that had taken his life. Her mind refused to come to terms with it. All she knew was Adrien was gone. An akuma had come because of it. (How the akuma hadn’t planted itself in something of hers, she wasn’t sure. She was incredibly and inconceivably upset.) And now, she had to fight off the feelings of hopelessness, regret, and anger (at herself, naturally) in addition to fighting off this behemoth of a victim. It wasn’t fair, to say the least, but then, being Ladybug usually wasn’t.

To say the fight was quick taken care of would be the most blatant of lies. It’s already been hours, and Ladybug had even given up once, retreating to her room to cry over her lost friend. In the back of her mind, she wondered what had happened to Chat Noir- he hadn’t showed up at all. Maybe he was mourning too. Eventually, though, Tikki managed to convince Marinette that the akuma needed taking care of. She also promised to tell her something that would affect her fighting, but it would have to be later, after this one. After that, she fought for several more hours, to no avail. She needed Chat Noir’s help.

But, because he was nowhere in sight, she decided her only option was to use lucky charm. Let it be known that Marinette Dupain-Cheng, superhero of Paris, has never shrieked at what her lucky charm produced until just then. Down, down, down fell Chat Noir from the sky. He looked dazed, confused, and... scared? Ladybug shook her head of the thought- they could talk later.

Within three minutes, the villain was defeated, and Ladybug collapsed against her partner.

“Chat, I’m so glad you’re here. I don’t think I could have beaten that akuma otherwise,” she told him, wrapping her arms around his torso. Despite everything that had happened, at least she still had Chat. Or so she thought.

“M-my lady, I... I honestly have no idea how I’m here right now,” he told her. He hesitantly returned the hug, but it was clear something was wrong. Her earrings beeped.

“Well, Lucky Charm makes something I need appear, and... I needed you.”

“That’s n-not what I meant,” he replied, voice shaking a bit. “I- My lady, do you know Adrien Agreste?”

At the sound of his name, tears sprung to Ladybug’s eyes.A sob rose in her chest, and she hugged Chat harder. She could only bring herself to nod against his chest.

“W-well, then I’m guessing you know that he- he died earlier. And I... I’m him. I am Adrien Agreste, and Adrien Agreste is Chat Noir,” he said, sinking into a whisper. Ladybug stared at nothing in particular, eyes wide. She felt herself pull away from him.

When she finally managed to meet his eyes, she said, “Wh-what?” And, before he could answer, he disappeared in a bright light that washed over the city, putting everything back in place. And then, Ladybug’s earrings sounded one more time before dropping the transformation completely.

The trek home had been a slow one. Marinette needed time to digest the information Chat had given, and she needed time where no one would bother her. Walking slowly home in public was the best way- no one seemed interested in talking to a crying teen, and Tikki couldn’t pop out to talk just then. It was perfect- until she got home, anyways. Her parents and a few friends immediately crowded her, all asking questions or offering condolences and comforts that only made her feel worse.

It was another two hours before she could pull herself away from them all for some alone time, forgetting that Tikki had wanted to talk too. As soon as Marinette shut the trapdoor to her room, the kwami flew out.

“Mari-”

“Did you know?” Tikki didn’t respond. “Did you know it was him? Did you know that would happen?”

“I knew it was him,” Tikki responded sadly, her antennae drooping. “But I didn’t know lucky charm would do that. I didn’t think it was possible. But it’s a magic that gives you what you need most. You really needed Adrien, you really needed Chat. So it gave you him.”

For the rest of the night, Marinette cried into her pillows and sheets. Tikki left her alone, as requested, until she heard the girl sniffling and calling out. “T-Tikki...?”

She floated up in answer.

“Why... why was it always him saving me? Wh-why couldn’t I sa-ave him?” Marinette asked, trying to make sense of him being gone.

“Chat Noir is always there for Ladybug. Whether they know it or not, a Chat Noir will always protect their Ladybug. It’s all part of the balance. I’m sorry, Marinette,” the kwami answered her. Marinette reverted back into being unable to speak, and so Tikki left her alone again.

In the early morning, not having slept more than an hour, Marinette got up and asked Tikki to transform her. As soon as it had happened, she was out of her room and running across Paris. She was still sad, still grieving, but she couldn’t stand her thoughts any longer. And so, she didn’t think. She ran, and ran, and ran, around the city twice and circled back to her balcony. Not wanting to return to being Marinette just yet, she sat there as Ladybug. She twirled her yoyo around, not really paying attention to it at all. Se stared ahead of her, and found the high of endorphins waning. In her muddled thoughts, she wondered. She wondered if she should still be there, if it was her fault... if using lucky charm would bring him back again.

She was about to ask Tikki, only to remember the kwami was infused with her earrings just then, and couldn’t speak back. With no one to scold or stop her, Ladybug threw her yoyo into the air and called on her lucky charm.

And down came Chat Noir.

The second he landed, she launched herself at him, already in tears again.

“I’m s-so sorry I couldn’t save you, I’m so s-sorry,” she tells him, repeating it over and over. He hugs back quicker this time, and rubs comforting circles on her back.

“It’s okay, my lady. It was a choice I made. It was me or my friend, and I couldn’t let it happen to her. It’s not your fault,” he said, squeezing her tightly. Really, all she could hear from the last sentence was ‘your fault.’ She clenched her fists against him, angry at herself but refusing to let go.

As they stood there, holding each other, Chat Noir looked around. Everything looked familiar, and though it took him a moment, he recognized the terrace they were currently on. That struck a chord in him, and he tensed a little. When Ladybug pulled back to look at him, she saw he wore a sad expression. Of course he was sad, she thought. But it looked to be something more than that.

“You... What’s wrong, Chat? I mean, aside from the obvious...”

“Look around us, my lady. We’re at m-my friend’s house,” he explained, gesturing to their surrounding.

As if a switch had been flipped, she released him from her hold, and stepped out of his own. She turned away from him, curling in on herself slightly. Her fists unfurled and moved to her head, nails clawing at her scalp. _Stupid._

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid,_ she thought, slamming the bottoms of her palms against her skull with each word. _My fault, stupid, stupid, stupid, my fault._

Soon, she found herself facing him again, his hands on her shoulders. “Ladybug. You are _not_  stupid. And none of this is your fault.” Oh. So she hadn’t just been thinking those words- she must have said them too. He pulled her into a crushing hug again, missing the way her breathe hitched, the way her teeth grinded against each other, and how, in that moment, anyone could have guessed who was beneath the mask. But he didn’t see or hear any of it, and soon enough, he disappeared again, along with her transformation. For the third time, he left her alone. _And it’s all my fault_ , she thought again. She made to move to her room, but two steps in, she collapsed on the roof in a mess of sobbing until her cries lulled her to sleep.

In the morning, her mother found Marinette asleep on the balcony, face stained with tears and seemingly stuck in a swirl of bad dreams. Sabine nudged her a few times, but she wouldn’t wake up. This concerned the woman, and she called for her husband. When he got there, they managed to get her safely into her room, and though it took a bit more time, they got her to wake up.

“Maman...? Papa...? What’re you doin’ up here?” she asked, words slurring a bit from the sleepiness in her voice. She looked between them both, noting how concerned they looked.

“You looked like you were having a bad dream, so we brought you in and woke you. Do you want to talk about it, dear?” Tom asked her. She shook her head no, and both parents sighed.

“Alright, but you know we’re here for you if you change your mind, okay?” Sabine told her. Marinette shook her head ‘yes’ before her mother continued, “We have to go down and work now, but you can rest up here awhile longer. There’s soup down in the kitchen if you get hungry.”

“But- I’ve got school,” Marinette protested. Sure, she didn’t _want_  to go, but maybe in their sadness, her parents forgot such a thing existed. She certainly hadn’t thought of it the day before.

Sabine gives her a sad smile. “No school for you today, just rest.” Her and Tom both bent over and planted a small kiss on Marinette’s forehead, the latter sweeping her bangs to the side.

As they left, Marinette whispered a soft, “Love you.” And then she was alone again. Aside from Tikki, that is, whom she could feel beneath her bed covers. She laid there in silence for quite some time, only moving to readjust her position. Eventually, though, she sighed, and said, “Hey, Tikki... Why does Chat- Adrien?- keep appearing for lucky charm? Why doesn’t he know I’m... th-that I’m the o-one he saved ag-gain?”

The kwami floated through the blankets and moved to hug her holder’s face. “I don’t know, Marinette. Lucky charm has never been something someone chooses. And... I would guess his spirit cannot be around without it. Or, possibly, it just hasn’t found its way here by itself yet.”

Marinette wasn’t very sure on how she could respond to that, and so she didn’t. Tikki continued to snuggle her, which was appreciated, but soon Marinette grew restless just laying there.

“Um... Tikki? C-can we... you know...?” she asked.

“Of course we can, Mari. Just make sure there’s something we can both eat up here for when it’s over, okay?” the kwami told her. She knew transforming and summoning the lucky charm wasn’t solving anything, but the sadness in her girl didn’t allow her to say no.

With a shaky smile, she got out of bed and went downstairs, grabbing a bowl of soup and a couple cookies. She hesitated in the doorway before turning around and grabbing a few more- just in case Chat could still eat. She poked her head into the bakery to tell her parents she was going to nap and then eat, and after a quick exchange of ‘I love you’s, she headed back up to her room and up to the balcony. She was about to transform again, but stopped as a question popped into her mind.

“Should... should I tell him who I am? What if he _does_  blame me then?” she asked, fear creeping into her voice and mind.

“Oh, Marinette. Chat would never blame you for that. And Adrien wouldn’t either. You can tell him if you want to, or wait until you’re more comfortable with doing so,” she told her, voice as gentle as could be.

“Yeah... yeah, you’re right, Tikki. I’m sorry for bothering you with all this.”

“You’re never a bother, I promise.”

The two exchanged small smiles, and soon Ladybug stood where Marinette had been. She briefly considered moving to some other rooftop, but thought it better to stay on her balcony. With a deep breathe to counter her nerves and guilt, she threw her weapon into the air and whispered the words that would make Chat Noir appear. And appear he did, landing in front of her just as he had the night before.

They didn’t speak immediately, nor did they really move at all. It took a gust of wind wafting the smell of cookies past them for Ladybug to break the silence. Gesturing to the snack, she asked, “U-um... Are you able to... eat?”

“I’m not sure, I’ve not tried to yet. Now’s as good a time as any, though, right?” he responded, reaching out to grab one. His fingers didn’t go through the cookies or the plate, so he smiled at her a bit and said, “Well, this is promising.” Picking one up, he took a bite and swallowed. “Huh. Guess I can eat! Not that I feel hungry or anything, though. Thank you for this treat, my lady. But now that that’s out of the way... how are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling a little b-better. You know, crying helps a little... and sleep is... well, sleep. Chat, I need to tell you something,” she said, changing the subject abruptly. At her sides, her hands clenched and unclenched nervously. Guiltily.

He reached forward before she could continue, and put his hands on her shoulders again. It struck her how often he had done that- as both his personas. “You can tell me anything, Bug,” he told her honestly, affection and trust filling his voice.

“U-um, right... can you l-look around us? Just real quick?” she asked him, unable to meet his eyes now.

“Yeah, wh- oh. We’re...” he said, the rest of his sentence trailing off as he realized they were on Marinette’s balcony again.

Ladybug squeezed her eyes shut and nodded her head. “Yeah. We’re on her balcony again. W-we’re... we’re on _my_  balcony,” she said, voice quivering. She heard a small gasp of surprise come from him and turned away then, crossing her arms and digging her nails into the suit. Despite its magical properties, she was sure she’d have bruises where her fingers were later on. In a whisper so quiet she wasn’t sure he could even hear, she managed to say, “I’m s-so sorry.”

No sound could be heard, aside from Ladybug’s ragged breathes. And, eventually, the shuffling of feet moving towards her as her earrings let out a shrill sound. Her fingers dug in harder the closer he got, until he was there, turning her around, prying her hands away from her arms. When he successfully pulled her hands away, he held them in his own, moving them both to one hand so he could use his other to tilt her head up.

“My lady. My princess. How blind I had been, not to see you were one and the same. And how glad I am that I was able to save you one more time,” he said, a smile evident in his voice and quiet chuckle. “Mari, please look at me.” Her eyes remained closed. “Please,” he repeated, softly and gently enough to persuade her to do so. He looked into her eyes as she did his, only breaking their gaze when he crushed her to him. 

They said and did nothing else as her miraculous sounded three more times. On their last minute, Chat said, “Mari, I want you to know that this- all of this- isn’t your fault. None of it. Accidents happen, yeah? That’s what it was. An accident. Not your fault. I promise.”

All she was able to do in response was hold him tighter whilst keeping her tears at bay. He didn’t need to see her cry again. Not a minute later, the earrings beeped again, and the warmth of his presence was taken from her again. When he was gone, she and Tikki returned to her room, and ate together. Not long after, Marinette fell into a fitful slumber once again.

This became her routine for awhile- sleep fitfully, wake up, get food, transform and talk to Chat, go back to sleep. School was thrown into the mix when a week passed, but it did nothing to interrupt her talks with Adrien. Her social life was practically dead, and while she remained friends with everyone (and became closer to Chloe), she mostly kept quiet and kept to herself.

Over time, the guilt she felt lessened every time her partner told her it wasn’t her fault. Because he wouldn’t lie to her, and she trusted him fully. Which is why, when he began to talk to her about ‘moving on,’ she couldn’t help but comply with his wish, as hard as it was.

“I’m gonna miss you so much,” she told him.

It was at least the 30th time she had said it within the past two days, but even so, he responded each time with, “And I’ll miss you, Marinette.”

Since his moving on had been established, Marinette had also decided something. Which led her to begging for one more night with Adrien. He had agreed, of course, and so when she transformed again and called him down, she laid it all out.

“When you’re gone, I... I think I’ll give up being Ladybug,” she told him. And, in a rush, she continued before he could respond. “You’re my Chat Noir, and it just... wouldn’t feel right, to be with another one. So when I get your ring, I’m going to give it and my earrings back to the Guardian.”

“B-but Mari, you’re the best Ladybug there could ever be! Don’t give up something you love because I’m not here anymore. Please.”

“It’s not just that, Adrien. I’m giving it up because I’m not fit to be her anymore. I haven’t patrolled in ages, and honestly, Ladybug is just too stressful for me right now. I want to focus on reconnecting with people. With getting out there again, working on my designs and... and I’d like to become someone I’m proud to be again. I’m not proud of who I am when I’m Ladybug. Not anymore.”

Adrien sighed, letting her words sink in. “Alright, Mari if... if that’s what you really, truly want. I just want you to be happy again, and if giving up Ladybug will help, then I support your decision,” he said, smiling at her. She smiled back, and then the two talked for the remainder of their time together. On the last minute, they said their goodbyes. Their final goodbyes.

And, the next day, Marinette had not transformed into Ladybug. Instead, she had told her parents she was going out to see a friend, and left. She walked slowly, but with a purpose, and eventually found herself at the cemetery Adrien had been buried in. It didn’t take long at all to find his grave, and when she did, she stood in front of it for a bit, until, finally, she called for Tikki.

“Are you sure you can get the ring, Tikki? Will you be okay?” she asked her kwami. Tikki wore a sad expression, knowing this meant their time together was almost up, but still she nodded.

“I’ll be right back, Mari,” she replied, darting through the ground to reach him. 

While she retrieved the ring, Marinette told Adrien one more thing. “You will always be my best friend,” she told him, kneeling down as she caressed the tombstone. Her fingers traced each letter of his name, and she sighed. “I love you.” Her lips touched the stone briefly, only for a second, and then her kwami resurfaced with his ring. “Thanks, Tikki,” she told her friend.

“Anything for you, Marinette.”

They waited there a moment longer before Marinette turned and began to walk to a little building she’d passed by so many times. The little building she had gone to when Tikki had fallen ill in the past. The walk was a short one in the face of having to say goodbye, but Marinette and Tikki managed with grace. They said their goodbyes and whispered their hearts to each other, sharing a small embrace before Marinette pulled her earrings out, and the kwami disappeared.

With a sad sigh and determination she hadn’t known she still possessed, Marinette stepped into the tiny shop and greeted the old man waiting for her.

“Ladybug. Thank you for the time you spent serving Paris,” he told her. “I think, before you go, we have much to talk about.” She nodded, and held the miraculous stones out to him. He chuckled, and shook his head no. “I think you misunderstand what it is I’d like to discuss with you,” he said.

She was confused, of course, but she sat and listened to everything the old man before her had to say. Hours seemed to pass in the blink of an eye, and when they finished talking, he bid her farewell. 

She walked out of the shop holding three more miraculous stones than she’d entered with. 


End file.
